Spring Week # 3: Application of Stoicism

The quote from Marcus Aurelius "Everything that happens happens as it should, and if you observe carefully, you will find this to be so," is a divisive assertion in the power of free will.  I agree with it to an extent.  I feel that acts of god our beyond our control and it is hard to justify something truely tragic as something that "happens as it should."  

In my own life I had a fairly traumatic 2015.  My dad was diagnosed with brain cancer (Glioblastoma) and past away a week later on 10/9/15 from complications after the tumor was removed.  Three days later I broke my foot and could not come back to work until January.  Both instances, my dad's brain cancer and me breaking my foot were not things happening as they "should."  However, I think what was in my control, how I dealt with both situations, was "everything happening as it should."  I made a conscious choice to make the best out of a pretty terrible situation for me personally.  

I think a more accurate quote would be “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand" by Randy Pausch.  Expecting people to take responsibility for the fact that bad things happen to us or that there is suffering in the world seems to harsh, but expecting them to deal with the harsh reality of life in the best way possible is something doable.  

Word Count: 241

Spring Week # 2: Introduction to Stoicism

Stoicism is an ancient philosophy of self reliance.  The ancient Greeks believed that a person's fate was set in stone and this took the responsibility off of a person for what happened to them.  If you read any of the plays by Sophocles, such as Oedipus Rex and Antigone, a major theme is the control of the gods over man's fate.  No matter what Oedipus did he was destined to kill his father and marry his mother.  Oedipus was not responsible for his actions because he was simply a pawn of the gods.  The stoics paid particular attention to actions/behavior.  To the Stoics you are what you do.  In a similar fashion, they valued knowledge, logic, and control over one's emotions.  

Modern society could use a dose of Stoicism in my opinion.  I am in my early 30's and I am so over people my age blaming others, especially their parents, for their current situation.  I totally understand and empathize with people that have serious trauma from their childhood, but for the average adult in their 30s their current situation tends to be a product of their own virtues.  Why do some people I know have crippling student debt and others do not?  Well beyond the question of privilege, it is a matter of choice.  Some people's parents paid for their college and they have no debt, others had to pay for their college but they made choices that either increased or decreased their debt.  I am not perfect.  I left college with debt, but less than others I know because I made some financially smart choices (e.g. choose a public university over a private one).  I feel completely responsible for my debt.  I took it out and I have control over how quickly or slowly I decide to pay it back.  

The stoic quote that spoke most to me was “no person has the power to have everything they want, but it is in their power not to want what they don’t have, and to cheerfully put to good use what they do have," by Seneca.  I think this is the challenge of happiness.  We all think that if only we had ____ we would be happy, but if we keep thinking that we will never be happy.  The key to happiness is to be grateful and content with what we do have an make the most of it.  I think this a internal battle that I will always wage against myself which is worth it for those few moments of contentment.

Word Count: 424

Spring Week 1: Making Resolutions and Keeping Them

Ironically, a lot of procrastinators are hidden perfectionist.  I struggle with perfectionism.  In a lot of ways it has served me very well.  For example I was one of 3 students from my high school accepted to UCLA and Berkeley.  In other ways it has held me back such as me being afraid not achieving goals so I never make them in the first place.  As I get older it seems my crutch of perfectionism has more negatives than positives.  

Perfectionism is the reason that most times I have made New Years resolutions I have failed.  My predictable pattern is that I will make an overly ambitious goal and do well for a while and then as soon as I encounter a set back I give up and write off the whole experience as an utter failure.  Then I feel some intense guilt for a while and am doomed to repeat the cycle :).  

This week I was listening to the Hidden Brain Podcast episode Creatures Of Habit: How Habits Shape Who We Are — And Who We Become as I was driving to work and it struck a chord with me.  I think that the main reason I failed at keeping my New Years resolutions was that I relied on my willpower and not creating small habits.  It turns out that habits are more powerful than willpower.  The people that lose weight make healthy choices not because of their amazing will power, but instead because they set themselves up for success with small changes such as not buying unhealthy food.  

One of the resolutions I was able to keep for a long time was going to the gym after work at least 3 times a week.  It turns out that the reason I was able to keep it was I joined a gym that was on my way home.  Later, when I moved to an area with gyms that were always out of the way, I broke this resolution.  

My current resolution is to eat healthier and exercise after work.  I have an exercise bike at home that I just moved into the living room in front of the TV.  The last few nights I have made myself go on the bike for 45 minutes while I play Red Dead Redemption II poorly.  On a side note, the amount of times I have shot someone unintentionally is pretty comical at this point.  

As for eating healthy I think a major problem is that fast food is so quick and easy.  After a long day the last thing I want to do is cook dinner and then clean up after cooking dinner.  So my plan is to make dinner simpler.  I can easily cook a simple meal that is healthy.  I do not need to make dinner an overly complicated thing every night.  

Word Count: 473

Week 16: Being in Character

Summer BCE 40,000

Oh great Cave Lion why did you choose me as someone under your protection?  Why did I have to be born of the Others and why did you have the Clan raise me then curse me?  I know I have faced every challenge you have set before me, but I do not know how much more I can take.  I am now out in the wilderness without my only child, Durc, to be raised without me.  

I am finding it hard to trust in you right now though I know you have never steered me wrong.  I have not always known your reasons for testing me, but every time I have come out on the other end with blessings to spare.

Being on my own out in the wilderness is something new to me.  I would take long hunts back when I was near the cave, but I always had Creb's hearth to come home to.  Now I have no hearth, no cave, and no people.  

Yesterday I crossed a river with all my possessions floating on a log.  It would have been so easy to just stop kicking and let the river take me and my possessions away.  It was so hard to cross, but I did it even though it took every bit of energy I have.  I have no idea what I am supposed to do next.  I have no where to go and each day is new and mysterious.  I just have to have faith that you my totem will not leave me and guide me where I am supposed to go.  

Word Count: 269

Week # 15: Giving Thanks

The older I get the more I realize I am turning into my mother and the more I am actually okay with it!  My mom, Lynne, is by no means perfect, but she is a very kind, warm, creative and fiercely independent woman.  Most importantly my mom has always loved me with 110% of her heart.  I have never for a second doubted that I am loved or cared for, which I know is something I am extremely grateful for.

My mom is a bit eccentric.  After my parents divorced when I was 9 we moved into a much smaller house in the rougher part of Menifee.  She poured herself into turning our tiny 2 bedroom house with a large overgrown backyard into a home.  My mom taught me that what makes a house a home or really what makes anything worthwhile is hard work, creativity, and passion. 

Our backyard turned from a bunch of weeds, glass, gravel, and an abandoned washing machine into a whimsical wonderland full of fun cement creatures and creations.  I always felt proud of our house.  It was not the biggest, or the best, but we (my mom and I) made it our own.  I am not afraid to try new things directly because of my mom and the freedom she gave me.  When I was 16 and wanted to redo my room she let me do whatever I wanted, including learning how to cut and install tile. 

When I was 11 and missed having a pool, my mom found a used above ground pool.  She bought the supplies and the pump, but I had to level the ground.  I learned how to use a line a water to level and the amount of work I did to install and maintain our small above ground pool made me feel even more accomplished. 

I am so grateful that my mom lives close by, and even though she is not in the best of health (she is 71 and smokes about 2 packs a day) I am able to spend time with her at least once a week. 

Word Count: 351

Week # 14: Issue you are passionate about

I am pretty passionate about teachers not inserting their personal political and religious views into their class, which makes this topic tricky for me.  There are controversial topics I am passionate about, but I want everyone to feel safe with their own opinions.  So I am going to discuss why I think it is important to try and remain objective as an educator.  I think the main reason I don't want to share my beliefs or political views is because I want my classroom to be a safe space for my students to be able to express themselves.  I don't want them to ever feel that if they believed something different than me, I would judge them harshly.  I also feel that taking my belief system and politics out of the equation allows student voices to shine.  This does not mean I won't point out potential logical flaws.  For example, it will be hard for me to not want to discuss scientific evidence with a student who claims that the earth is flat in an essay.

Some educators would argue that by trying to keep myself objective and hiding these parts of my personality students are not exposed to different views and that I am not making my own bias clear.  In all reality I am sure that some of my bias' are clear just by what I say and what I do.  I am human and it is hard to be completely objective.  There are also beliefs I have that I will be the first to acknowledge I have no logical reason behind them.  For example I am against the death penalty, mostly because the thought of state sanctioned execution makes me feel a bit ill.  I still cannot watch any execution on TV or in a movie.  I have to cover my eyes when we watch the hanging section part of Capote.  In this case it is purely my feeling and I can see the logic and validity of someone who believes different than me.  Just personally if I can't even stomach the idea of it in fiction I don't know how I can support it in reality?  I share this about myself because I know my reason is illogical and I doubt my reason for being anti-capital punishment will sway anyone in any direction.  

Word Count: 387

Week # 13: Myers Briggs 16 Personalities and my book

I have taken the Myers Briggs personality test several times and I always get INFJ as my personality type.  Today I took the 16 personalities version of the MBTI test to make sure I was still the same and I got INFJ- T.  When I looked over the traits of a T (turbulent) vs. an A (assertive) INFJ, I became a bit discouraged.  Basically Ts are more insecure than As which in turn has some negative impacts.  Of course I want to be an A, but I also know that I still struggle with some insecurities (who doesn't?).

What is unique about INFJs is that they are the rarest personality type (only 1% of the population are INJFs).  Some strengths of INFJs are that they are creative, insightful, inspiring, decisive, determined and altruistic.  I feel comfortable and confident saying that I am creative, insightful, determined and altruistic, but I don't think I am inspiring or decisive.  Maybe this is where the T from my INJF- T comes in?  If I was more confident and self assured perhaps I would feel differently?  The weaknesses of INFJs are that they are sensitive, extremely private, perfectionistic, always need to have a cause, and can burn out easily.  I can see all of these weaknesses in myself and I have to be really careful to look out for them.  I have gotten better about being sensitive and extremely private.  I used to be the high schooler that would cry over low tests scores, had to had straight As and based my self worth on  my GPA.  I like to think I have grown past this but the urge is still there.  I am taking some classes at CSUF and I do find myself checking my grades a bit compulsively. 

I just finished re-reading A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, by Betty Smith.  I feel that the character in the novel that is most like an INFJ is the main character Francie.  Francie like INFJs is an introverted deep thinker.  She spends most of her childhood reading and even tried to read every book in her local library in alphabetical order.  Francie is also very determined.  Her mother decides to have her bother finish high school instead of her because she knows that Francie will find a way to finish.  This ends up being true.  

I think that Francie does not show the altruism that is typical of an INFJ.  Francie cares about knowledge and learning for her own benefit and there does not seem to be a higher purpose behind it.  I completely relate to Francie's love of reading and use of reading as an escape when she is experiencing hardship.  I feel that Francie cares more about knowledge for knowledge sake than I do.  I love learning but if I don't see a greater purpose behind it, it hard for me to stay dedicated.  For example I could never have the patience to read every book in a library in alphabetical order.  

Word Count: 498