Week 16: Being in Character

Summer BCE 40,000

Oh great Cave Lion why did you choose me as someone under your protection?  Why did I have to be born of the Others and why did you have the Clan raise me then curse me?  I know I have faced every challenge you have set before me, but I do not know how much more I can take.  I am now out in the wilderness without my only child, Durc, to be raised without me.  

I am finding it hard to trust in you right now though I know you have never steered me wrong.  I have not always known your reasons for testing me, but every time I have come out on the other end with blessings to spare.

Being on my own out in the wilderness is something new to me.  I would take long hunts back when I was near the cave, but I always had Creb's hearth to come home to.  Now I have no hearth, no cave, and no people.  

Yesterday I crossed a river with all my possessions floating on a log.  It would have been so easy to just stop kicking and let the river take me and my possessions away.  It was so hard to cross, but I did it even though it took every bit of energy I have.  I have no idea what I am supposed to do next.  I have no where to go and each day is new and mysterious.  I just have to have faith that you my totem will not leave me and guide me where I am supposed to go.  

Word Count: 269

Week # 15: Giving Thanks

The older I get the more I realize I am turning into my mother and the more I am actually okay with it!  My mom, Lynne, is by no means perfect, but she is a very kind, warm, creative and fiercely independent woman.  Most importantly my mom has always loved me with 110% of her heart.  I have never for a second doubted that I am loved or cared for, which I know is something I am extremely grateful for.

My mom is a bit eccentric.  After my parents divorced when I was 9 we moved into a much smaller house in the rougher part of Menifee.  She poured herself into turning our tiny 2 bedroom house with a large overgrown backyard into a home.  My mom taught me that what makes a house a home or really what makes anything worthwhile is hard work, creativity, and passion. 

Our backyard turned from a bunch of weeds, glass, gravel, and an abandoned washing machine into a whimsical wonderland full of fun cement creatures and creations.  I always felt proud of our house.  It was not the biggest, or the best, but we (my mom and I) made it our own.  I am not afraid to try new things directly because of my mom and the freedom she gave me.  When I was 16 and wanted to redo my room she let me do whatever I wanted, including learning how to cut and install tile. 

When I was 11 and missed having a pool, my mom found a used above ground pool.  She bought the supplies and the pump, but I had to level the ground.  I learned how to use a line a water to level and the amount of work I did to install and maintain our small above ground pool made me feel even more accomplished. 

I am so grateful that my mom lives close by, and even though she is not in the best of health (she is 71 and smokes about 2 packs a day) I am able to spend time with her at least once a week. 

Word Count: 351

Week # 14: Issue you are passionate about

I am pretty passionate about teachers not inserting their personal political and religious views into their class, which makes this topic tricky for me.  There are controversial topics I am passionate about, but I want everyone to feel safe with their own opinions.  So I am going to discuss why I think it is important to try and remain objective as an educator.  I think the main reason I don't want to share my beliefs or political views is because I want my classroom to be a safe space for my students to be able to express themselves.  I don't want them to ever feel that if they believed something different than me, I would judge them harshly.  I also feel that taking my belief system and politics out of the equation allows student voices to shine.  This does not mean I won't point out potential logical flaws.  For example, it will be hard for me to not want to discuss scientific evidence with a student who claims that the earth is flat in an essay.

Some educators would argue that by trying to keep myself objective and hiding these parts of my personality students are not exposed to different views and that I am not making my own bias clear.  In all reality I am sure that some of my bias' are clear just by what I say and what I do.  I am human and it is hard to be completely objective.  There are also beliefs I have that I will be the first to acknowledge I have no logical reason behind them.  For example I am against the death penalty, mostly because the thought of state sanctioned execution makes me feel a bit ill.  I still cannot watch any execution on TV or in a movie.  I have to cover my eyes when we watch the hanging section part of Capote.  In this case it is purely my feeling and I can see the logic and validity of someone who believes different than me.  Just personally if I can't even stomach the idea of it in fiction I don't know how I can support it in reality?  I share this about myself because I know my reason is illogical and I doubt my reason for being anti-capital punishment will sway anyone in any direction.  

Word Count: 387

Week # 13: Myers Briggs 16 Personalities and my book

I have taken the Myers Briggs personality test several times and I always get INFJ as my personality type.  Today I took the 16 personalities version of the MBTI test to make sure I was still the same and I got INFJ- T.  When I looked over the traits of a T (turbulent) vs. an A (assertive) INFJ, I became a bit discouraged.  Basically Ts are more insecure than As which in turn has some negative impacts.  Of course I want to be an A, but I also know that I still struggle with some insecurities (who doesn't?).

What is unique about INFJs is that they are the rarest personality type (only 1% of the population are INJFs).  Some strengths of INFJs are that they are creative, insightful, inspiring, decisive, determined and altruistic.  I feel comfortable and confident saying that I am creative, insightful, determined and altruistic, but I don't think I am inspiring or decisive.  Maybe this is where the T from my INJF- T comes in?  If I was more confident and self assured perhaps I would feel differently?  The weaknesses of INFJs are that they are sensitive, extremely private, perfectionistic, always need to have a cause, and can burn out easily.  I can see all of these weaknesses in myself and I have to be really careful to look out for them.  I have gotten better about being sensitive and extremely private.  I used to be the high schooler that would cry over low tests scores, had to had straight As and based my self worth on  my GPA.  I like to think I have grown past this but the urge is still there.  I am taking some classes at CSUF and I do find myself checking my grades a bit compulsively. 

I just finished re-reading A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, by Betty Smith.  I feel that the character in the novel that is most like an INFJ is the main character Francie.  Francie like INFJs is an introverted deep thinker.  She spends most of her childhood reading and even tried to read every book in her local library in alphabetical order.  Francie is also very determined.  Her mother decides to have her bother finish high school instead of her because she knows that Francie will find a way to finish.  This ends up being true.  

I think that Francie does not show the altruism that is typical of an INFJ.  Francie cares about knowledge and learning for her own benefit and there does not seem to be a higher purpose behind it.  I completely relate to Francie's love of reading and use of reading as an escape when she is experiencing hardship.  I feel that Francie cares more about knowledge for knowledge sake than I do.  I love learning but if I don't see a greater purpose behind it, it hard for me to stay dedicated.  For example I could never have the patience to read every book in a library in alphabetical order.  

Word Count: 498

 

Week # 12: Do you think evil is born or made?

I believe that evil is generally made. I do not think people are born evil unless they have a severe mental disorder like people who are sociopaths or psychopaths.  We are born with certain traits and tendencies but we have free will to encourage them or not. Often people that have done something that is considered evil have had harsh experiences that lead them in that direction.

Even some people that are sociopaths or psychopaths are able to fight against their nature and not do evil. According to THE CRIMINAL PSYCHOPATH: HISTORY, NEUROSCIENCE, TREATMENT, AND ECONOMICS 93% of psychopaths are in the criminal justice system.  The remaining 7% percent could have not been caught committing a crime or are actively fighting against their nature. 

How many people are actually psychopaths and born evil?  According to Karolina Sörman at Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, who conducts research on psychopathy only about 1% of males are psychopaths.  This 1% does not account for all the evil acts created by humanity.  

A majority of evil is caused by people's upbringing, perspective, and inner pain.  It is common knowlege that abuse runs in families.  The reason why could be partially genetics, but also that it is hard to break the cycle of abuse.  In the case of Perry Smith from the novel In Cold Blood, I wonder if his mother, Flo Buckskin was abused as a child or if her parents were alcoholics?  If they were then that would partially explain her behavior and why Perry experienced so much neglect.  

Word Count: 248

Week 11: Brain Dump *Private*

I decided to make this post private.  It is on my personal blog (https://msvprivateblog123.blogspot.com/?zx=7a8a443d043ee815).  Make sure you turn the settings to private so no one can see it :)

Week # 11: Brain Dump

Writing just what is going on in your mind is a crazy and disorganized process.  Right now I have had a tension headache for 2 days and I keep on thinking of the pain on the left side of my face.  I also read a lot of books about mediation for fun........and to help me fall asleep.  Anyways expert mediators are supposed to be able to handle higher levels of pain than us non experts.  They learn to be curious about their pain and make friends with their pain.  So I am trying to use days like today where I know I will have a dull pain all day to take a step back and be curious about it.  

Another thing that is on my mind is that I have to write everything down to make sure I remember it.  I have not kept up my to do list the last couple of days and it makes me feel disorganized and that I am constantly forgetting something.  Speaking of which I forgot to post Digital Friday until this morning.  It was something I forgot to write down and it just slipped my mind.  

The English teacher part of me is pained by how disorganized this post is.  There is no theme and I just ended the last sentence with a verb!  But the point is not perfection.  The point is to become comfortable with your inner voice and your writing voice becoming one. 

 I really wish you could make some posts private without making a separate blog.   I guess that defeats the point of blogging?  Blogging is something people do to share their ideas with the internet so by its nature it is public, but where is the space for private thoughts when the format of a blog is more comfortable?  

Word Count: 302